The Creator

Long ago, before the universe had woken, yawned and stretched, there were the Creators. With names like the Omnipotent Nitwit and the Glorious Moron, titles bestowed upon them by their creations, there was one who had yet to craft his minions and therefore had no title. This Creator was the Numbskull.

With clay under his fingernails and caffeine in his bloodstream, the Numbskull was equal parts divine sculpting genius and primordial sleep-deprived lunatic. Toiling in his celestial workshop, cluttered with half-finished cups of coffee and freshly percolating ambition, he formed his first mug. One mug led to two and two to twenty, and as the Numbskull opened his cosmic kiln, his creation looked back at him and declared their creator Wonderful. Grateful for his new title, the Wonderful Numbskull realized his creations needed a name as well. Green of face and boiling of temperament, he called his progeny the Coffee Goblins.

Invigorated by his success, the Wonderful Numbskull once again put his hands to clay. As he labored to add more creatures to his world, he soon realized that his Coffee Goblin success would not be so easily replicated. Exasperated, he discarded attempt after attempt, failure after failure. As his frustration made its way into his hand and from his hands into clay, a disapproving scowl emerged from the blank cylinder in front of him, and thus the first Curmudgeon Mug was born. Creative obsession led to more Curmudgeons, each one as cantankerous as the last, grumbling things like “back in my day, we didn’t need fancy $7 coffee.”

This Creator’s face has never been seen by anyone but his creations. He is recognized only by his two frantic, time-lapse hands feverishly forming ever more mugs. To this day, every gurgle of a coffee maker or hiss from an espresso machine is said to be a whisper from the Wonderful Numbskull himself – reminding the world that mornings are meant to be a little chaotic, a little cranky, and never, ever decaffeinated.